


all i wanted was love

by jengao



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:02:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22243768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jengao/pseuds/jengao
Summary: but you decided to take it away from me
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Kudos: 8





	all i wanted was love

donghyuck cries. he cries over and over. he cries until his eyes are red and swollen and puffy and he has to force breaths through his mouth because he feels like he's drowning in his own misery. he's suffocating all alone in his room. he hates jeno. he hates him for hurting him. he hates him for leaving. and he hates for leaving him all alone, because now donghyuck can't help but burst into tears sporadically when he remembers and misses jeno. he hates jeno because he misses him.

donghyuck was giving, and what he thought was understanding. he forgave over and over every time jeno pulled away and hurt him. he forgave every time jeno made him feel like he wasn't good enough. he forgave jeno every time he ignored him. he forgave him for being insensitive and saying things that he didn't know would hurt him. and he never blamed him for any of those things because jeno didn't do those things intentionally. jeno loved donghyuck, or at least that was what he thought. even now, donghyuck wants to forgive him, because he misses lee jeno so fucking much.

and it makes him cry silent tears, hurting on the inside because he wishes the last few days hadn't happened. he wishes he could have begged jeno to stay more, that he could have somehow convinced him to not break up with him. the rational part of his brain says that this is for the best. so do all his friends. they say that jeno did him a favor by breaking up with him. if he didn't do this now, he would've done this to donghyuck later on, further down the road, when donghyuck was actually in love with jeno. and donghyuck knows all this. he believes it too. 

but still there is that small part of him that is still in love with lee jeno. even after everything, he still loves him. even after saying he hates him, he still loves jeno. he still misses jeno. donghyuck's sadness consumes him in a way that he never would have known possible. he thinks of all the grand plans he made with jeno, and it makes him cry. he thinks of all dreams he had of jeno, and it makes him cry. he thinks of all the things he had wanted to tell jeno that now he would have the chance the say. donghyuck had wanted so much more than this, but jeno cut him out so suddenly. and now neither of them would know what could have been. 

so donghyuck does the same. donghyuck hates lee jeno, so he tells him that. he tells him how this is all his fault, knowing it would hurt him. he calls jeno a bitch intentionally, knowing his ex boyfriend hates that word. donghyuck is hellbent on making jeno cry, because jeno deserves for the buckets of tears he made donghyuck shed. he deletes pictures, playlists, notes, texts, and all the things in his camera roll that he was waiting to send to jeno. donghyuck is not someone who takes lightly to being wronged, and he doesn't care if it makes him an asshole. donghyuck is all too ready to love and live, to forgive and forget. but he and jeno had been a couple, so donghyuck made sure that they both shared the pain of breaking up as well.

donghyuck loved jeno. he still loves jeno, and that's why he hates jeno. things were never meant to end this way; jeno was supposed to stay a part of donghyuck's life for years to come. he was supposed to visit donghyuck in a few months and give him all the hugs and kisses he said donghyuck deserved. they were supposed to celebrate their anniversary together. a multitude of them. he was supposed to be there for donghyuck's next birthday. and donghyuck was supposed to buy jeno a gift for his. jeno once said he didn't like making promises. maybe, donghyuck thinks, that was the only thing jeno was ever right about. 

donghyuck had been ready to give jeno his heart forever, forever, but jeno walked away first. jeno thought what he did was right. that breaking up was the best for them, and that it was good for donghyuck too. but jeno was not the only one in the relationship. who fucking gave him the right to make that decision by himself? they were a couple, and couples figure out things together. one does not dump the other one week after their two month anniversary without any warning because they think they know what's best for them. jeno's a million expletives for that. 

love is strong, blinding, and changes a person easily. emotions, feelings, and one's hearts are not things to be played with. and just as easily as love can bloom and flower into something beautiful, it can be poisoned and turn black, morphing into hate. 

donghyuck wants jeno to regret everything he did wrong and cry as he remembers what they had and what they will never have again.


End file.
